Flirt with Yourself.

I'm not gonna lie being single is hard. It gets extremely lonely, boring, and repetitive. I have to fight extra hard to get cozy in this way of life. But for the past 6-months, I decided to exclusively date myself. That meant no casual encounters with men and prioritizing myself in a new way. Forever I obsess over having someone to share my secrets with. Imagine if every guy you meet you think is this the one that will surprise me? Again it is so repetitive. One day I blurted out I was going to go celibate for 6 months and said it to a person I knew would hold me accountable. I was going to take a pause on using my body as the tool for being seen. 

I set out to change my perspective on love. I started thinking about love more as a context instead of a thing that had to look a certain way. I wrote countless diary entries about how I wanted love to feel. I rewrote my vision for love. I stayed super close to myself and watched where I felt high vibes and where I felt low. I would talk to the angels while I was surfing and most of the time BEG for a new perspective. 

Ask and you shall receive. 

Love started showing up in a way that felt supportive, safe, and something I wanted more. The book that found me during this time was All About Love by Bell Hooks. This inspired me to look at love as a connection, not as lust. Show me, love, was my mantra for months. Love in my life needed to be defined by joy, surrender, creativity, ease, and like time did not matter. My actions would be driven by how I would want to be treated all the time. I want to be spoiled and adored (in a healthy way). I want people to be present with me. So I did just that and practiced the good old golden rule. Do unto others as you would have done to yourself. 

I started telling all my platonic guy friends that I just wanted to fall in love with them but as friends nothing more. My tight group of girls got the best of me. All the babies couldnʻt stop kissing me and the teens well they just opened up a little bit more. I also did something very new for me... I turned down a few casual encounters with men. As much as my body was telling me yes, my mind was telling me no. And I listen to the one I usually put on mute. 

I was about to go all in on dating myself. Committing to the belief that if I leap so far out of my comfort zone and be uncomfortable something would shift. This was triggering but what isnʻt? Thanks to all my clients during this time boy did I learn a lesson in prating what you preach.  Dating myself consisted of doing all of my favorite things alone. This was not foreign to me Aries at their core are quite independent. The real alien invasion was having no dick distractions. Things get super quiet super quick when the notifications are not firing off. Iʻll be honest it sucked in the beginning. Activate therapy, astrology readings, phone calls to friends, and long nights of journaling. 

But I stuck it out. 

So here I am on Valentineʻs Day wanting to go on a rant about how this is just a capitalist holiday and just another way for them to make money but instead, I am going to make it IG official that I am dating myself. Sometimes I feel shame in telling people that I am single. Like I am somehow not good enough because I am not in a relationship. Real talk… I am the happiest I have ever been. Never in my life did I think I could prance through life at the pace I have found. I am obsessed with it. 

The stakes have just got higher. Betting it all on the rainbow (again)